?Well,? said Pooh, ?what I like best,? and then he had to stop and think. Because although Eating Honey was a very good thing to do, there was a moment just before you began to eat it which was better than when you were, but he didn?t know what it was called.??????? A.A. Milne
Anticipation by Rob Hefferan
?The sun lately in Seattle has been breathtaking, warm and luscious on skin that has been three layers deep in some black fabric.??The Beloved?and I have pulled out the bikes and taken most weekends to ride to some brewery around the Northwest.? Other than getting my seat accustomed to the initial torture of ?? you know ? it has been glorious.? I?m not sure what this weekend holds ? but I am looking forward to another dry and warm weekend on the bike and some cold microbrew at the end. I must confess however ? one of the favorite things about biking is?the ability to listen to books I don?t have time to read, but really want to!! So far I have ?read? The Hunger Games, The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks, The Poisenwood Bible ? and now ? 50 Shades of Grey.? Yep ? you guessed it! Which brings me to the focus of this?blog ? the eroticism in expanding anticipation.? E.L. James exquisitely describes how each of the main characters grows anticipation and desire in the other. I am convinced it is part of what makes this book so hot and why it has affectionately been called ?mommy porn?.
?In a culture like ours which suggests waiting for anything is ?unfortunate? at best and ?unnecessary? at worst, we slowly get lulled into the notion that it is the possessing of something that is the link to our happiness.? But rather, I believe it is the longing in desire that brings that luscious alive feeling.??When we feel?anticipation, our senses are heightened, our mind is quickened, and our attention is pulled into the moment.? We are fully alive when we are in the midst of anticipating something pleasurable. In ancient Hebrew sacred texts, it was desire that was seen as the heart of all creativity and passion and the example of the breath of God within us.? In marriage we can easily get numbed by tasks and acquisitions and miss the heat and juice that comes when we intentionally grow anticipation and desire.? Think about the last time you knew something you really wanted was upcoming ? maybe a trip, maybe the visit of an old friend, maybe a gathering of friends, maybe some surprise you had planned for your lover.? Can you remember the amount of delight in the anticipation, the eagerness, the creative juices that were flowing as you thought of ways to make it even more memorable? Anticipation is one of the potent ingredients at the early stage of a relationship and it is anticipation that infuses and expands the erotic tension that we love to hate.
?How could you expand anticipation in your relationship?? If you plan a nice dinner out ? maybe you could put some planning into how you can increase the anticipation involved. Here is something The Beloved recently did.? A week before my birthday?he told me to be ready to be picked up at 5 ? he had a night planned that involved many different locals ? and that is all he would say.? I knew nothing ? except what the appropriate attire would be.? (He at least answered that question.) He was coy, not answering my inquiries, dropping hints but then acting nonchalant. In many ways it was the time and effort he put into growing the anticipation that heightened my senses to experience more fully the night when it finally came. Anticipation and desire flavor and spice the object of your desire, and heighten the experience of it when it finally comes.? Without?pleasureable anticipation our lives and our love can become rout, routine, predictable, boring.
If you are in need of some spicy fun in your relationship here are a few ideas on?how to build anticipation :
- ?Design a scavenger hunt for your lover ? around the house or?from local to local, something that your lover would experience as playful and delightful.? For example tape notes on chocolate hearts that have him going around the house to get the final message which could be a chocolate heart that has been inside your bra all soft and ready to be eaten.
- Get tickets to an upcoming?concert or show?(or whatever would float her boat) and tell her to set the date aside.? Slowly over 2 weeks give her hints ? but drag it out and tease her with it.
- Get up one morning and tell her to stay in bed (do this at night if you have small interrupting?little-ones in your house).? Put together a yummy breakfast.? When you bring it to her, throw a twist in things and tell her that you are going to bind her hands with a long silk scarf and feed?the breakfast to her. Ask her what bite she wants first ? then give her something else.? Tease her with it. Be playful. See if you can get you both laughing with delight.? Feel free to eat some of her breakfast in front of her ? or off of?her toes?? or?
As Winnie the Pooh suggests, savor the moments BEFORE the honey.?
Please Tell Your Friends ? ONLY 3 spots left in the October Couple?s Intimacy Retreat.? 72 hours of delicious pleasure?while learning the art of love!!?
OCTOBER 18 ? 21, 2012 at the Pan Pacific, Seattle
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Tina Schermer Sellers is a recognized scholar in the integration of spirituality into a multitude of areas represented in family and career life. As a behavioral scientist, licensed family therapist, medical family therapist, and certified sex therapist, she specializes in helping to craft relationships, organizations and lives that flourish. In the area of sexuality, Tina has spent a career helping people discover what culture has failed to teach them about their bodies, their hearts, their capacity for intimacy and their erotic potential.
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